Chapter 22: Unstable

Content warning for: language, depictions of mental instability

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On bad days, Ida sleeps in the bunkbed she and her sister used as children.

It doesn't really comfort her as it did when she was younger; today she wakes up late in the afternoon, feeling anxious and out of sorts. She doesn't feel like building bots today, a first for our Ida. She even puts on the wrong shirt on after her shower, the opposite of what she would normally wear.

Frustrated for no apparent reason, Ida calls her boyfriend. She doesn't want to talk about it with her mom, yet; it could be nothing, or she could just be getting a cold, and she doesn't want to get treated with one of her mom's specialty lectures on self-care and healthy living. Blech.

"I.. need you right now."

Marlin is more than happy to come over as soon as he can. He's still wearing his shabby work clothes when he comes through the door.

"Do you want to talk about it, or would you like me to distract you instead? I had a pretty bad day myself, so I vote option two."

"How about you come downstairs and check out my set-up? You haven't seen it yet, right?"

"You ever wonder what it's like inside that thing?" Marlin asks. He has an idea for how to distract her from her troubles, as well as improve his own mood.

Ida considers it. "Well, now I do," she says, before climbing inside.

Marlin surprises her by coming in after her. "It's too cramped in here for us both," she protests, but shuts right up when Marlin grabs her and kisses her.

WooHoo certainly works for Marlin, who is feeling downright chipper now, but Ida is still not quite herself. In fact, she seems to be getting worse.

"I think I just need a nap," she tells her concerned boyfriend when she's done freaking out. "I'm sure I'll wake up and feel just fine."

"I could do with a little rest myself, after what we did just now," says Marlin, leading the way to the bedroom.

They share a nice dream.

When Ida wakes up, it's the middle of the night and Marlin is still sleeping. She feels confused and unfocused, like her head is full of buzzing bees. She automatically goes downstairs to her bot-building room, where she usually finds comfort and stress relief, but today she feels nothing but dread, anxiety, and a hot rage.

She can't seem to remember how to work the machine, or why she would ever want to. Everything is suddenly confusing and quite terrifying; she can't remember who she is and how she got here.

After freaking out alone for several hours, she finally finds herself back in her room. Marlin is just waking up, but he instantly senses something is wrong.

Alarm bells start really ringing when Ida leans in close and whispers something extremely filthy in his ear.

"You want me to... what? Ida, that's not..." Marlin steps back, looking at Ida's dilated, unfocused eyes, the sweat running down her face, the nervous twitches of her fingertips and eyebrows. "This isn't you. You're - you're different, you're sick. You need to speak with a doctor, I think. Do you want me to get your mother?"

At that, Ida lashes out.

"My mother?" she screams. "You think my mother can help anyone? She's old! She's senile! Her mind is rotted like a cabbage! She knows nothing!" She continues to rant, until Marlin cuts her off.

"Okay, okay!" he shouts over her snarls. He reaches out, trying to calm her. "How about we take a quick trip down to the hospital, then? You don't have to see your mother, she's off today. We won't have to tell anyone, they'll get you back to normal, it'll all be okay."

Ida begins to sob hysterically. "'We won't tell anyone?'" she quotes back at him. "Are you ashamed of me, Marlin? Why are you ashamed of me? This is who I am! This is..." she trails off, realizing she doesn't know who she is. The thought makes her angry all over again.

"Get out," she tells him, her voice quiet but firm. Tears are still running down her cheeks, and she's quaking like a frightened rabbit. "Get the fuck out, I don't want to see you, you worthless bastard!" Her voice rises. "You stupid, weak, goody-two-shoes, GET OUT!" She begins to break down, shouting at Marlin how much she hates him and never wants to see him again.

"We're through!" she shouts finally. "If you can't accept who I am, if you can't be a good boyfriend, then I'm better off without you! I want you out of my life, Marlin. Forever."

Marlin is quiet for a long moment. Her words have hurt him, and although he knows she's ill, he can't help but become angry as well as confused. Could it be that's how she really feels about me? he thinks. Could she have been bottling this up for so long that it turned her delusional? Would she really be better off without me?

Finally, he speaks. "Do you really mean that?" he asks her, searching her face for signs of the old happy, excitable Ida he loves. He finds only hate and anguish. "Because if you really mean it, Ida, I'll leave right now, and I won't come back."

"Yes," she hisses, practically stabbing him with her finger. Marlin, hurt by how she didn't even hesitate, nods.

"Okay, I'll leave. Under one condition: you have to promise you'll go see a doctor, right away. They'll make you feel better, please. Ida, I'll do anything. I love you, and I'll leave if it's what you want, but I'm desperate to bring the old you back." If he has to stay away from her, he'll only be able to do it knowing that she can smile with the old excitement again, that her eyes can still light up with curiosity and determination and everything that makes her Ida. "Please."

Ida is no longer yelling but she's still crying, though she doesn't know why. The thought of Marlin leaving is a relief to her confused and muddled mind, but she can't seem to stop sobbing. "You'll leave?" she asks, sniffing. "Right away? Promise?"

"I promise if you do."

Ida nods. "Fine."

They stare at each other for a moment, and then Marlin takes a deep breath, steels himself against the pain in his heart, and all but runs out the door.

When he leaves, Ida becomes confused again. She can't remember why she's so angry and sad, and she has the feeling she was supposed to do something, but she doesn't know what it is.

Feeling like a child, Ida climbs the stairs to her mother's bedroom.

"Mama, what's wrong with me?"

Alexander is out for the day, delivering his ten paintings to Doo Peas Tower, but Shanti has overheard the entire fight and knows exactly what's wrong and how to fix it.

She coaxes Ida into the cab. At this point, Ida's mood is vacillating wildly between grumpy, hot-headed, and over-emotional, and the emotional strain is exhausting her.

Finally, they arrive at the hospital. Within minutes, Ida is admitted for instability and begins treatment.

Ah, see? All better now. Ida feels like her normal self for about two seconds before she remembers her fight with Marlin. Oh my god, I was so horrible to him, she thinks. Her first instinct is to run to him and beg for forgiveness, but then more of the fight comes back to her. She remembers all the awful things she said, and the way Marlin ran out of the room like he couldn't wait to be away from her. He hates me now, she thinks miserably, he doesn't want to see me ever again.

So Ida goes home, instead.

"What even happened to me?" she asks her mother when they get back to the house. "I truly felt like garbage, I've never felt like that in my life."

"Come into my study, and we'll talk about it," Shanti says.

"What you experienced was a delusional episode. It's common in those who are Unstable, which the doctors have confirmed that you are."

Ida is silent.

"It's not your fault, of course," Shanti says. "In fact, what happened today was mostly mine. I should have seen the signs before, and taught you how to deal with being unstable. It's the easiest thing in the world, once you know. All you have to do is breathe into a bag for a few minutes whenever you feel out of sorts. That's all." Shanti sighs. "I know it's a little late, but now you know."

Ida is still silent. Finally, she blurts out, "I think I'm feeling a little out of sorts right now," before rushing to the bathroom.

Shanti sighs again. She knows what this means, too; she's seen countless female patients come in to the hospital reporting nausea and leaving with a plus sign on their pregnancy test. This is going to be hard on poor Ida, she thinks. But with all that went on today, especially the fight between Ida and Marlin, Shanti decides to keep her suspicious to herself. Let Ida have a good night's rest before she has to worry about this, too.

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Notes -

This chapter was hard to write, both emotionally and technically. I'm not sure if it's any good, but anyway, here it is. I'm terrible at writing drama, lol. Maybe I'm being too heavy-handed with the instability stuff, but as someone who's struggled with mental illness myself, I've always felt a little uncomfortable by the way it's portrayed in the Sims. I try to strike a balance between making it not as serious as real life (it's just Sims, after all), and somewhat more realistic than the borderline offensive caricatures the game presents. I hope I did okay, lol. 

Anyway, yeah! Gen 3 is on its way! I'm so excited. Ida's goals are gourmet and opportunist, I forgot to mention this last chapter, and the garden salad is Alexander's favorite food. So gourmet goal is on its way to completion too, and Ida hasn't gotten any opportunities yet but I will include them in the chapters when she does. I'm hoping for one that requires traveling to China because she's had the wish to visit China since aging up and also for the gourmet roll, because her favorite food is spring rolls.

Next chapter: House gets an update, and Ida learns to cook. Rain makes an appearance!